Stop listening and speak first in meetings

About one-third of the people in a meeting will never say a word. At least, that seems to be the statistical consensus online — it is hard to know how these data points are captured. But it sounds about right from my experience. And I will bet if you start keeping track over the next few Zooms you attend, you will notice that only a few folks speak up consistently. The rest stay on mute. Maybe you are one of them?

Meeting silence usually comes from a of lack of confidence or an abundance of caution — most of us have been told that we should listen to others before sharing our point of view.

In some ways, this "speak last" guidance has merit. Some situations require it. Certainly, if there is conflict and you are trying to understand what drives it, you are better off observing the dynamic first. There are also some conversations that should be reserved for a 1:1 setting because the topic is not appropriate for a mixed crowd.

And if you have nothing of value to share … well, sharing random thoughts for the sake of participating benefits no one. If you find yourself chiming in with fluff quite often, you should probably reflect on why you are in the meeting at all. It might not be a good use of your time if you cannot offer a meaningful perspective.

But I consistently notice that more folks than not have a hard time speaking up in all types of meetings. Many people struggle to boldly present their perspectives, even when they do have something meaningful to share. The reticence grows stronger if senior leaders are in attendance — like when the CTO joins a product team meeting. Ironically, I began to notice this years ago because I often stay quiet until I fully understand the environment.

I have always tended to observe before sharing my thoughts, especially in new settings. But I learned that I was doing everyone a disservice.

This realization came very early in my career after my vocal manager pulled me aside after a meeting. She shared that I often had the right perspective, but waited too long to share it — usually not until after lackluster ideas started to gain momentum with the team. She wanted me to start speaking first and listening later.

Her guidance was intended to help me accelerate my ability to share a reasoned perspective and influence a group. So, I pushed myself to break the pattern. If I had a point to make, I spoke up. I explained key assumptions, my point of view, how I came to it, and what I saw as the pros and cons (vs. other viable approaches).

I eventually saw the benefit of speaking when I had something worth saying. Of course, there were still times where I listened and waited. These usually mapped to the scenarios I outlined earlier — especially around sensitive matters that would be better suited to private conversations.

That holds true for me now as well. As co-founder and CEO of Aha! I am aware that my input can steer the conversation in a way that may unintentionally silence other teammates with thoughtful opinions. So I often am back to observing and commenting later. But not always. And when I do talk first, I try my best to make it a priority to create space for others to speak. I do this by asking follow-up questions or soliciting different perspectives.

Politeness or nerves should not silence you. But it takes a bit of effort to grow your confidence in this area. You should strive to be prepared and informed — my guidance below hinges upon it. This is how I approached speaking up all those years ago and what I recommend today:

Jump in

Do not wait to be asked. This is often where people succumb to nerves. When the conversation is flowing, you need to find your opening. But it may not be obvious. And the ever-so-slight delay on video calls can leave people verbally fumbling over one another. Steel yourself for a moment of discomfort — you may need to gently interrupt the group. There is a chance that the moment will pass you by if you wait too long.

Repeat back

Ground yourself in context. If others have already presented their views, repeat back what you understand about the topic or issue being discussed so far before you share your perspective. This is helpful even if you are referencing prior discussions or work in progress because it gives you and the rest of the group a common starting place. (And folks can flag if you are off-base, which saves everyone time.)

Explain assumptions

Beliefs and theories underpin every good idea. There is no need to shy away from divulging yours. Build upon the context you established above by explaining the assumptions that inform your perspective. Again, this is a good way to head off any misunderstandings and stir others into engagement with their own assumptions.

Share your POV

Say it like it is. There is no need to puff with fancy language, long-winded stories, or clever metaphors. Remember that the value of what you have to say is not related to your years of experience or job title. The best ideas and most impactful insights come from passion, dedication, and deliberate thought. Be confident that you have something worth saying, and say it plainly.

Compare and contrast

Show your preparation and deep thinking. Pre-empt by sharing the pros and cons of your perspective or suggestion as you understand it. This helps open up the conversation so others can join in and take a side. It also helps build trust with leaders and teammates by demonstrating that you have considered different angles and are open to feedback.

Speaking up strategically helps you contribute more meaningfully and grow your career. You may inspire others to be more vocal too.

Most of us worry that people will judge us harshly if we get it "wrong." But the opposite is true. When you present your thinking intentionally, it almost does not matter if your idea or perspective is not quite right. The resulting dialogue and debate will help the group work through a sticky problem together and get to the best answer.

I love to see folks stop listening and start speaking first — when they have something valuable to contribute that is based on an insight they have gained. So, sit back and listen when needed. But do not make it your default meeting position.

You deserve to be happy at work. Aha! is fully remote and hiring for many roles right now.